The St. Barth Diaries 2013 Edition: 11 Great Ideas about what to eat and where and what not to.

Vive La France!

         We just got back from our 20th visit to St. Barth, FWI, so you know we like it there.  You might say almost obsessively so.  But you can’t really improve very much on perfection.  Especially when you’ve found it.  Of course St. Barth has changed mightily since I first came here in 1981 when the island wasn’t yet on the radar.  Those days are gone and the island should be avoided completely over the Christmas holidays.  That’s when the newly rich and revolting descend in force, driving even the most loyal St. Barth enthusiasts to leave the island altogether or go into hiding.  Fortunately, they all check out the day after New Year’s and St. Barth goes back to its somnolent self, the one the rest of us know and love. 

           To us, it will always be the perfect spot in the Caribbean. Since we’ve been to well over 20 Caribbean islands over the years, I think we can speak with some authenticity.   What separates St. Barth from every other island?  For one thing cruise ships or the lack of them.  It’s never allowed monster-sized ships into its harbor and the ones it does allow are all small, premium ships with small, premium passenger lists.  It has no golf, no gambling, and virtually no crime of any kind. It has jaw-dropping views everywhere you drive. The roads keep getting better and better.  And the Mini Coopers keep multiplying by the year. No one ever seems to drive them over 30 kilometers an hour.  

The perfect ‘couple’ house, it’s now so familiar to us that is like going out to Bridgehampton for the weekend. It’s modern, clean-lined yet stays faithful to the old Architectural style of the island: Separate pavilions house a living room and kitchen, another our bedroom and bathroom and outdoor shower and a third a second half bathroom and the laundry facilities.  It looks out over the sea within earshot of the sound of the waves on Baie St. Jean.  It’s completely contemporary in its décor and has a nice long 15 meter swimming pool that stretches across the length of the living room.   It’s hard to pull ourselves away. We spend at least a couple of days never leaving the house except for a bakery/grocery run in the morning and dinner out at night.

Marche U is our first stop for wine, milk, cheese, pate, and saucissons.  We love to try condiments that are not what we find in the States: Amora Dijon Mustard, sharper than any stateside brand, and Benedicta Mayonnaise golden from its shot of Dijon to name two. What we don’t buy from Marche U are breads and pastries and ready-made salads,  all of which they have but trips to the patisseries—one in L’Orient, one in Colombier—a part of the rhythm of life here.  And “Traiteurs” like La Rotisserie in St. Jean are far more inventive with their salads of Thai flavors and Remoulades. 

         Our next dining adventure was at “La Tables de Jules”. (Near the Centre Commercial Oasis. L’Orient. Tel 05 90 29 76 78. Dinner 6:30 to 11:00 pm. Closed Wednesdays.)  This is the old K’fe Massai resurrected without the African masks and jungle theme.  The new owner has completely re-done the place in a very contemporary style.  It sparkles in a way K’fe Massai never did. The ‘formule’ however has been retained”.  This consists of two menus: a 29 Euro 3 course dinner or a 42 Euro option with an 8 Euro surcharge if you order Foie Gras. I did.  Those prices reflect a great value on this island, where the food, good or bad or indifferent is markedly more expensive than almost anywhere else on earth.  

Here, my choice of Saint Jacques (Scallops in Anglais) was flawless. Andrew’s fish was not: overcooked but still edible none-the-less. What was high on our list here were our desserts: true examples of the art of the French Patisserie.  We forgave them the overcooked fish.

         Saturday night in St. Barth the locals eat out just like anywhere else.  The number of them at Santa Fe convinced me that we were in for a treat. (Santa Fe, Tel 0590 27 61 04. Lunch 12:00pm to 3 pm, Dinner 6:30 to 10 pm. Closed Wednesdays.) I had gone to this restaurant in Lurin last year and was thrilled with its offerings.  As I said earlier in this piece, chefs have bad nights and this, sadly, was one.  Andrew’s Foie Gras was pronounced excellent.  But in all honesty, it’s hard to screw up Foie Gras.  I chose Escargots.  I think everyone knows that these come out a can in most island kitchens.  Nonetheless, they were notable for their rubbery texture and lack of garlic-y butter.  But we soldiered on. 

I ordered the most expensive dish on the menu: a straightforward Sole Meuniere, surely one of any classically trained French chef’s earliest lessons.  At 42 Euro, what I got was a Sole Meuniere completely lacking in Meuniere.  No Beurre Noisette (brown butter) had touched this fish.  Instead it swam in regular butter.  It wasn’t helped by the waitress’ clumsy attempt at de-boning the fish leaving it looking like a pile of white meat on the plate. I refuse to show you how bad they looked.
Andrew’s scallops, which he insisted tasted just fine, were oddly presented under a kind of crepe topping.  Finally came dessert, almost a relief at this point in the evening.  We opted for Profiteroles.  Is it possible that Hershey’s syrup was used on this version?  Truly awful.  We hurriedly got the check and the tiny amuse-bouche, two rum soaked mini cakes were consumed on our way out the door. 

Andrew’s tuna tartare was pronounced ‘flawless’ and his saffron inflected gnocchi beautiful to look at. We went with our friends Jeff and Mark, people we’ve seen here year after year and become friends with. They too loved their dishes.  And we shared yet another funny moment with them: A singer of ‘soft rock’ accompanied by a man on a synthesizer, very kindly approached our table and asked if we wanted her to turn down the amplifier.  It had been not unbearably loud but could have been a little lower.  We thanked her profusely and said we wouldn’t mind if she would turn the sound down a little.  She agreed and returned to her microphone. She did not, however, ever turn the microphone down.  We had a good a laugh about it.  And what did the best meal on the island set us back: Over 200 Euros a couple.  But that was with much to drink.

         Every Tuesday night, Le Gaiac in the Hotel Toiny has a Fish Market menu with a prix fixe of 48 Euros.  Given that the Toiny is consistently rated as one of the best small hotels in the world and its dining room famous for its view, its service and its décor, this is a huge bargain.  The meal consists of 3 courses.  Andrew started with a Crudo of Daurade.  I had crab magnificently plated with cucumber and a chile sauce.  We moved on to Vivaneau (Red Snapper) and Yellow fin Tuna served with a choice of three sauces.  Beautifully cooked and presented, the service accompanying it was as good as it gets. 

Dessert was a Frozen Coconut Panna Cotta with Chocolate Sorbet for me and Fresh Berries and a Berry Panna Cotta with Basil Sorbet for Andrew.  The Basil Sorbet was a stand-out.  And all this for less than we spent almost anywhere else. 

          Unfortunately, the place was jammed with a long wait for a table. Instead, we headed next door to Le Sereno. Although now unrecognizable, it was the first place I’d stayed on the island in 1981. Completely done over by Christian Liagre in 2007, it’s physically gorgeous, almost as attractive as the buff and beautiful waitstaff, one server more handsome than the next.   

Andrew’s main course of perfectly seared scallops with a caper sauce that will be attempted at home.  My seared duck breast with a light as air sweet potato puree was superb.  
And for dessert, a kind of private joke between Andrew and I: It seems that every time a competitor on “Chopped” is confronted with having to make dessert in a matter of minutes, “Pain Perdu” (French Toast) is his or her only offering.  Well, if you find yourself in this position, the version at Bonito should be your model.  The Pain is Brioche but there’s no egg involved, just a berry compote and a quenelle of pistachio ice cream. So very good, simple and I’m sure you can pull it together under the “Chopped” time limit.